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How DeMarcus Cousins and the Kings Became the Blockbuster Comedy of the Summer

When DeMarcus Cousins is involved in two days of spectacularly weird news and he’s the sympathetic figure in it all, you know things are getting strange. The weirdness of the rumors swirling around the Sacramento Kings, though, is having that impact.

The news was kicked off by Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! Sports, who reported Tuesday morning:

Karl has been recruiting Kings vice president of basketball operations Vlade Divac and multiple players on the Kings’ roster to unite with him in making the case to owner Vivek Ranadive that Cousins needs to be traded, league sources said.

Since the end of the 2014-15 season, Cousins has become aware of Karl’s campaign to move him – including teammates telling Cousins, sources said. All around the Kings and Cousins, there is a growing belief the coach-player relationship is irreparable. Trust is a constant theme with Cousins, and he’s been unable to build any with Karl, sources said.

Cousins proved he was the King of Emoticons:

And then the Internet broke with rumors. Jason Jones of the Sacramento Bee was tweeting off zingers and facts like it was a new hobby:

Sam Amick of USA Today reported:

Sacramento Kings owner Vivek Ranadive reiterated his well-known stance regarding big man DeMarcus Cousins on Monday, telling USA TODAY Sports that his 24-year-old big man won’t be traded anytime soon.

We have zero interest in moving Cousins, so I don’t know where that’s coming from,” Ranadive said when asked about an ESPN.com report in which a Kings-Los Angeles Lakers-Orlando Magic trade scenario was discussed. “But if you like, you should talk to (Kings vice president of basketball and franchise operations) Vlade (Divac), because I know Vlade feels exactly the same way. And I’m deferring to Vlade on everything. We have no interest in moving him. From my perspective, it’s really simple: we feel that he’s a one-of-a-kind player, and we have a group of players right now and we’re going to build on it.

Karl denied the reports, calling them “fibs and lies.” And I’m sure every one of his grandchildren believed him. I’m not sure anyone else did.

It went from funny to downright hilarious when Marc Spears reported who Karl allegedly wants as a possible Boogie replacement at center:

Which made me think, maybe this is a trade Karl could appreciate:

kings trade

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cousins’s former teammate in Sacramento, Isaiah Thomas, wants Cousins to join him with the Boston Celtics:

The Lakers, who build dynasties around other people’s centers, are ready to swoop in and swipe him up. And the Knicks, who are that dude who thinks he’s a player but is always getting turned down by the hot chicks, are preparing themselves to be rebuffed too, according to Ken Berger of CBSSports.com:

Cousins’ agent, Dan Fegan, would like to steer his client to the Lakers, who can offer Julius Randle and this year’s No. 2 pick — though rival teams doubt the Kings would send Cousins to a division rival. The Knicks are another team on Cousins’ list, but all the Knicks have to offer is the fourth pick (which, bear in mind, can’t officially be dealt until the Knicks use it, since their 2016 first-rounder already has been traded).

The moral of this story is that it’s blatantly stupid to sign a head coach without making sure he’s going to get along with your superstar. Or, if you’re sure he’s not, deal the superstar sooner, rather than later.

Waiting for this to turn into the NBA version of the Three Stooges only serves to lower the trade value of Cousins. One would think that the No. 2 pick in this year’s draft is more promising than Nuggets 2.0, but hey, that’s just everyone not named George Karl.

Ah well. What can you do but sit back, eat popcorn and let this fiasco play itself out? In all likelihood, whatever move Vlade Divac makes will flop, anyway.

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